About

Hi! This is my little slice of the internet! I'm not 100% sure why I decided I wanted to make an official blog- maybe it's born of my want to help people and make even the slightest change, maybe it's because my hand hurts when I'm trying to write journal entries. Who knows? Not me!

My name is Shayla and I'm 28 years old. I was diagnosed with depression when I was a young teen and as I grew older, I had anxiety, borderline personality disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder added to the roster. While my mental health has been a huge source of problems in my life, I've also experienced numerous traumatic events and hardships- and I continue to work through them to this day.

Whether you're here to understand mental health better, here to remind yourself that you're not alone in your struggles or any reason in-between: welcome.

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Who am I, anyway?

I suppose if you're going to follow along in my mental health/life/perpetually confused journey, you should know a bit about me. So, who am I? That's a loaded question (it's also 8 am and I'm tired), so let's do this in point form! -I'm 28 years old and I was born on February 19th, 1991 @ 11:23 pm. That's 23:23 in military time! Does that mean anything? Probably not. -I have depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. -I developed an eating disorder about 7 years ago and while I have a better handle on it now, I still struggle with it now and again. -I'm engaged and set to be married in August of 2020. I never thought I'd get married until I met the man I'm with now. I guess things really can change when you meet the right person. -Currently, I'm unemployed. I parted with my former work mutually in order to make focusing on my mental health my full-time job. -When I was working, I was a baker. Cookies, cakes, cupcakes, brownies, sticky buns, scones, you name it. -Statistically, I'm intelligent. In function, an underachiever. I excelled at most everything until I hit 14 or 15, where I figure my mental health issues started to twist me up. I skipped school a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I surprised myself by looking at my graduating year high school yearbook to find I maintained honours status. It was all downhill from there, my friends. -I'm not a patient person, at all. -I have 3 things I'm avid about: video games, reading and horror movies. -I don't have a favourite in any of those categories. I thought I did, but I found my answers frequently changed. -I don't like being called strong, as in so "strong" for going through what I have and still kicking around. I know it's a compliment, but it clashes with how I feel about myself which leads me into minor existential crises ("oh god I've lied to everyone I'm an impostor they think I'm strong and they'll leave when they realize I'm not ahhhhhhh). -I have asthma and I'm allergic to planet earth. Animals of all kinds, grass, pollen, dust. No food allergies, though. Unless red wine counts? -I have 14 tattoos. Only 3 of which were planned. The rest were spur of the moment. You'll find that impulsiveness is one of the glaring symptoms of my poor mental health. -I'm agnostic (at best). -I'm a crier. Happy? Cry. Sad? Cry. Angry? Cry. See a dog I find particularly cute? Probably cry. -On that note: I have two dogs. -I often prefer maintaining my friendships via text. I'm socially awkward and even feel awkward with my closest friends. -I'm told I'm outgoing, which makes good of the advice "fake it till you make it" because I'm deeply uncomfortable in social situations at all times and dogs can probably hear the high pitched sound of distress I'm making in my head the whole time. -My wardrobe is 90% hoodies and leggings because long gone are the days where I put fashion over comfort. I still never wear an appropriate jacket for winter, though. -I died once- but I'm better now. -I have such a bad relationship with myself that I never understand how or why anyone would like me, which then makes me a little suspicious of them. Yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous that is. -My natural hair colour is a super dark deep auburn, though nobody's seen it since I was 14 and started dying my hair. The whole impulsive thing goes for my locks, too. -Most everyone assumes I'm Asian when they first meet me (so much so that it's become a running joke). -I'm probably dissociating like 75% of the time. I don't think you're boring, I just can't stop my brain from floating away. It's another reason why texting as socializing works better for me. -I've been writing a fiction novel for officially a year as of yesterday. -I have a strange amount of socks for someone who never wears socks. -I will deflect my pain with humour pretty much always. And that's sorta me in a nutshell. I'm sure there's much more, but these were the things that popped up into my head. x Shay.

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